Damnit Doug, don't be invading my turf.

Lisa Scheer took this photo recently in GSO.



A commenter at Lisa's Flickr site says:

Looks like a pile of trash to me.

Liz Seymour, hardest working anarchist in America.

I'm pretty sure I prefer virile Sam to this new neutered version.

UPDATE: But make no mistake, no matter how much he kisses my ass now, I'm not forgetting that upside down Cone thing.

Why would anyone parody a local web site? Don't you people have anything better to do?

Let's see. I don't own a newspaper. Or even run one. However, if I can get the N&R to do my bidding by virtue of this blog and not run front-pagers on antiquated Baptist rituals, it'll be just as good.

More drought stories, N&R, more drought.

AT&T has no idea who they are dealing with.

Please note, AT&T, that you have now been taunted a second time.

Art by the wife.

Brit, we knew we knew ye.

Ben Holder. MWAH.

Joe Killian. MWAH. MWAH.

There will be no parody at ConvergeSouth. There will especially be no parody from people who appear, from their videos, to be unstable and who may possess the attributes necessary to commit violence against the event's organizers.

A series of photographs of and by Lisa Scheer. She may have had a beard at the time. I can't remember. Too much Châteauneuf-du-Pape perhaps. Anyway, sorry for the headache you're going to get looking at this thing.

Just as if God didn't exist, it would be necessary for us to invent Him, so too if Bubba didn't exist, it would be necessary for me to invent him.

How better to destroy my conservative baiters than to hold up a mirror?

When you get woke up at 4:00 am in 2009, don't come crying to me.

My motives are pure, people.

Lisa sent this shot from Peterhof.



She missed me.

Political Radar. You have no idea who you're fucking with.

Sorry, John. Hope that Drudge thing doesn't jeopardize the speechwriter gig.

UPDATE: However, not sorry Edwards staffers. Cone don't do 'official channels.' I'll talk to whoever I damn well please. That's how I roll.

Fake Steve Jobs busted. Glad I'm the real thing, yo.

UPDATE: It would also appear that I may be worth upwards of $250,000.

Bubba, you are a goddamned idiot.

Married for 18 years today proving once again that women, in general, are easily fooled.

Be careful.

Alright, who's up for a game of 'Name That Obscure Lynchburg, VA Restaurant?'

Troublemaker: There is [sic] also major problems at The Players Club on High Point Road. Two shootings at the club recently were too close for comfort. The first shooting ended with a male employee getting shot in the ankle by some men in a Cadillac. The other shooting executed was done with an automatic weapon.The shooter was driving a red Ferrari.

Well, I guess I'll be friends with Holder again and meet him halfway by linking to him, although you notice that (sic)? That's to let him know that while I'm making the first move, I'm still pissed. You know it's serious when I attack your grammar.

Meanwhile, how about someone on the GPD go find Magnum PI.

Sponsoring one blogger in Skip's golf tourney. All you have to do is slap an Effed Up decal on your forehead.

What? You thought you were safe, John Batchelor? Ha. You're next.

La Vaca Ramona Taqueria is going on the definitive Best Places to Eat In Greensboro list. What makes it definitive? It's posted here, isn't it?

Listen, Yes! Weekly, the next time you're looking for Best Blog, read my masthead. Percy? Holder? Here's a tip, Percy ain't rich and Holder ain't scary. So, if you're looking to kiss up to money, might as well kiss up to a member of the first family of Greensboro and if you're looking to avoid an ass-beating, you could do worse than to start here.

The Triad was named for the three cities of Greensboro, High Point and Winston-Salem. Dummies.

Local Media Domination Plan Phase One. Check.

If you need an expert, you know where to find me.

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Feed me! And if you know what's good for you, serve lunch, have sidewalk dining, allow dogs. Otherwise, I shall write that yet again someone didn't listen to me.

First Jay Rosen, now Action Greensboro. Why won't anyone listen?

Party!

This blog is something like 40 days old. Don't send me any money. I have enough.

I lived in France once. My opinions are nuanced. That makes me practically French and, Romney, sir, is not French.

But we're both smarter than Dave Winer who has to be just about the luckiest son-of-a-bitch alive to have people still asking for his simplistic, populist takes as if they're manna from heaven. Want to know about journalism, ask a journalist.

I'm smarter than Jay Rosen.

Full disclosure: I told him how to do it right. Did he listen?

I think I know something.

Killain posts a video about how newspapers are created.

I hereby proclaim Thomas Sowell to be not interesting.

The media culture demands that people speak with certainty even when they're unsure.

Be like me. Lay back. Equivocate. Criticize everything.

Hitchens is an astute student of human nature when I agree and obtuse when I don't.

I usually wait a while before linking to new bloggers, but not Skip. I'll link to him after four posts. Why, you ask? Because sometimes local blogging kingmakers recognize a phenomenon that's going to happen with or without them and at least by getting in early we can later say, 'Skip, who we pimped when he started, said this...'

And, if we're lucky, Skip might think all that traffic he's going to be getting later on might in some small way be due to us and maybe he'll cast his gaze our way from time to time.

I'm giddy.

Always assume the next card is a 10. The dealer must hit on anything less than 17.

I know this, yet I ignore it. Probably just to annoy those around me. That's how I roll.

Ed Cone World Tour continues. This week we're in Vegas. And, be assured, what happens here, stays here. If you must know about my trip to the Hoover Dam or Madame Tussaud's, you're going to have to email.

And here's a little link love for Andy, Sean's brother. Divide and conquer, anyone?

God, I should charge for these lessons.

Lyricist Tuesday. Sean, I have some hip hop lyrics I need help understanding. Could you and your friends break them down for me, please?



(Chorus)
Circle circle dot dot (uh huh)
I got my cootie shot, (uh huh)
You think that girl is hot? (uh huh)
I think I'd rather not. (uh huh) uh huh (okay) okay (okay)
I'll &%#$ her anyway.

{Jamie Kennedy}
Circle circle dot dot, (uh huh)
I got my cootie shot, (uh huh)
I think that booty's hot, (uh huh)
I'd give it booty song,
that booty's so i'll make it drop to the drop drop to the drop drop to the make it drop, to the floor
lets get more,(a huh) Okay,
gimme some more.

[Stu Stone]
we getting drunk now, with the shot shot to the shot shot to the shot shot
We going chase these not double stamp it no erasies with the bap bap to the bap bap
here comes the bouncer don't get caught
kindly introduce me to the friends that you brought
uh huh (uh huh)ok (ok)
I'm having fun today

(Chorus 2x)

{Jamie Kennedy}
Yo circle circle dot dot
yo this shits workin' please dont stop
now kindly please remove your top and please dont say that your a cop
Show me yours Ill show you mine and we'll play doctor until nine
uh huh (uh huh)ok (ok)
girl you drivin me insaine

[Stu Stone]
Sane in the brain to the don't please to the menday
I spend should the spend spend to the plenty
we could do it hard we could do it gently
everyday i pretend-a caraventlae
if you want Stu skis you can rent me (rent me)
if you want to see the piece check the pant leg
uh huh (uh huh)ok (ok)
come on everybody say

(Chorus)
Circle circle dot dot (uh huh)
I got my cootie shot, (uh huh)
You think that girl is hot? (uh huh)
I think I'd rather not. (uh huh) uh huh (okay) okay (okay)
I'll &%#$ her anyway.
uh huh (uh huh) ok (ok) its time to hit the breaks

[Stu Stone]
shake that shit yoshake that shit
dont fake that shit dont break that shit
Shake that shit yo shake that shit
Shake that shit yo shake that shit..
uh huh (uh huh) ok (ok)uh huh (uh huh) ok (OKAY!)

Circle circle dot dot (a huh) I got my cootie shot, (a huh) You think that girl is hot? (a huh) I think I'd rather not. (a huh) a huh (okay) okay (okay) I'll &%#$ her anyway. Circle circle dot dot (a huh) I got my cootie shot, (a huh) You think that girl is hot? (a huh) I think I'd rather not. (a huh) a huh (okay) okay (okay) I'll &%#$ her anyway

I'm going to take the 'it's beneath me to respond to you' tack with this, Coon, but take that.

Don't be messin' with me, boy.

NASA is releasing 3-D images of the sun.

Killain profiles my buddy Matlocke Clifford and, this is a shocker, manages to get the word 'ass' into the paper.

Read my column - Old Guy Listens to Rap and Comes to No Conclusions.

Fill in the blanks:

Greensboro Birds is a __________ blog based in __________.

A. birdwatching, Greensboro
B. road rage, Topeka
C. women's issues, Archdale

And, surprise, surprise, I have a late relative who was somehow involved in this endeavor as well.

Wooden pallet. Piled not at all.

Drinking age should be 18.

Brian Clarey? Pfft. That plodding, predictable, Jerri Rowe-in-waiting burn-out? Try again.

Here is a subtle hint to the Edwards campaign to put their vanity on hold for a few months. They're going to blow the election and with it that White House speechwriting job I was born for.

Hope to write like Fec when I grow up.

Man, I bet it burns up Sam and Bubba and Dr. J and Brenda that Fec likes me better than them.

Sue would still like everyone to play nice.

Paid my taxes.

UPDATE: A loyal reader emails to ask how much. More than you.

Who is this man?

A. The foil I could never have hoped to invent.
B. Mr. Sun's long-lost twin. Mr. Sun's better looking younger brother.
C. President of the Kevin Smith fan club.

Billy the Poet makes the N&R.

Between this and the girl losing five pounds in ten weeks and the ignoring of the Willow Oaks debacle, I think we can safely say that the struggle to remain relevant is a struggle no more.

Luckily they have me every other Sunday.

Inexplicably they choose to negate that advantage with Davenport.

It would appear that certain forces are massing against me.

How did things ever get so far? I don't know. It was so -- unfortunate -- so unnecessary. I hoped that we would come here and reason together. And as a reasonable man I'm willing to do whatever's necessary to -- find a peaceful solution to these problems. But if I find out it was Barzini, then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room. And that, I do not forgive.

Don't forget the cannoli. And don't forget who you're dealing with.

UPDATE: Breakthrough? You wouldn't believe the self-control it took to not go off on Sam regarding that self-indulgent, foul mouthed, one-trick pony that is Kevin Smith. Sam, a huge Kevin Smith fan? What's he doing? Trying to show everyone how hip a pudgy deceptively skinny middle-aged lawyer can be? Wonder what Sam finds compelling about Kevin Smith? The lengthy explorations and dialogue regarding A2M? Interspecies romance? Vaginal trolls? Do tell lawyer-boy.

Sue is sad because GSO bloggers are mean.

Boo effin' hoo.

Listen people, if I've said this once, I've said it a thousand times, don't respond to ignorant commenters or comments. The dogs bark and the caravan passes. Yes, I know that I never follow my own advice and I continue to spar with people well past the point that I know that I should stop, sometimes even after I've told other people to shut up talking to Bubba and The CA certain commenters. I just can't help it. But I'm trying people. I'm really trying.

Binker, Blue NC and JLF are making me care about state politics.

This is me using my Jedi mind trick. Oooohhhhh. Oooohhhh. Great my powers are.

Seth and Linda sittin' in a tree.

Imus is a dumb ass.

UPDATE: Bubba is a dumb ass too.

Vonnegut died.

If this catches on, I'm done. Thankfully, there's no chance in hell.

I'm not as old as I thought I was. That's a nice surprise. Of course, the way I've abused this body at Led Zeppelin and Grateful Dead concerts, who can tell?

I go to the Caribbean and take pictures of this:



Instead of:

Went horseback riding yesterday.

Cute blogging thing from the NYT.

God, I'm smart. And no amount of self-deprecating humor is going to change that fact.

Greensboro Law Blog looks interesting.

Someplace exotic, yet edgy. Motivation: dinner.

Obama raised a bunch of money.

North Carolina considers apologizing for slavery and Jim Crow-era wrongs.

Or, let's post about an enlightened racial gesture and see if we can get Bubba to take the other side.

Sandy Carmany blogs about a zoning vote. Says politics is hard.

Read the whole thing.

Words still have consequences.

John Hammer: "The contractor that the city paid $83,000 on a bid of $31,000 to demolish the old Willow Oaks Shopping Center used forged documents to prove he should receive additional payment."

Have I made a post in the last three hours praising Dave Winer for something? No? Well, here you go big guy.

I got copy of a letter written to someone else. You didn't.

Davenport (unposted; 4/1/07, p1) says sometimes people are mean and rude. It dismays me to no end that the N&R insists on 'balancing' my column with Davenport's. Is that what they think of me? That I can be 'balanced' by that lightweight?

The master exposed, yet oddly unashamed. Dr Mary:

It is good that you (ed note. Fecund Stench) do not require that I like Prince Edward of the Cone dynasty, for (very honestly) I do not. In the beginning, being foolish (and even though I disagree with nearly everything that comes out of the master’s keyboard), I really did want to like him . . . and be liked by him. In myb (sic) first “conings”, (sic) I tried very hard to answer his questions completely . . . I gave short versions and long versions of what happened to me (please note that an employee of Cone Hospital figures prominently in the story) . . . hoping to win his favor and journalistic indulgence. I worried about it. I lost sleep. I wondered just what it would take to break through. But it did not matter, because Edward was just playing me for hits. I was the entertainment, as he proved how smart and relevant he was to those who might reward him with a night at the Lincoln.

The smell of burning flesh does not appeal to me . . . especially when it is my own.

I have come to terms.

The Crying Alternative says I couldn't make him cry if I killed his mother and ran over his dog.

Update: And then procedes to make a post encouraging everyone not to visit my site, but to start their own 'Conewatch,' which somehow involves reading my site, linking to my site and discussing what is on my site. The logistics of doing the latter while engaging in the former are left to non-lawyers to figure out.

NYT: Despite their campaign talk about earmark reform last fall, the new Democratic leadership shamelessly used pork to buy votes...

From the Lisa Scheer conceptual series.

Running out of living economists to email regarding their opinion of the campaign to increase Greensboro's minimum wage. A seance will be held at The Green Bean in an effort to get Milton Friedman's take.

Someone important emailed me about something big.

But I'm not going to tell you.

I have filters.

At least one Carolina team made the final four.

Words have consequences.

Realtors want to stop a proposed 1% sales tax on home sales. This is ironic because some of the arguments against a 1% tax might also be applied to their 6% commission structure.

Long night. Flew to New York for my fab job. Had dinner at Le Bernardin (don't worry, you can't afford it). Back home now. Dog glad to see me.

Lisa Scheer masterpiece. Don't click to embigify.

Bellamy was sworn in as Greensboro Police Chief this week.